The Day the World Shifted

A letter to the girl I wasn’t ready to lose

This is something I wrote when I missed her terribly.
But today, I want to share more than my pain—
I want to tell you the story of how I found out she was gone.

It was my birthday.

I had school that day. A test was due. The morning passed like any other—preparing, attending classes, staying in motion. I thought the evening would be quiet… just me, my roommate, and Tammy, our sweet landlord back then.

But the world had other plans.

I was “kidnapped” by friends—an unexpected birthday ambush. AJ came up with the idea. Maybe it was his way of healing old wounds. I wasn’t ready. The pain I’d been carrying hadn’t left me. But I didn’t have much of a choice.

We went to one of our usual spots. Drinks, wings, laughter. Cake showed up. We even shared it with strangers at the pub.

For a while… I felt okay.

The Call That Changed Everything

I was finally checking Instagram for the first time all day—replying to birthday wishes.

And then I saw her message.
Heidi had wished me. Just a simple “Happy Birthday.” I smiled. I replied. She was there.

An hour later, my phone rang.
It was Sahi, my dearest friend.

She was crying. Her voice shook.

“Heidi killed herself,” she said.

I froze.
It couldn’t be true.
“I just texted her,” I said. “You’re mistaken. She just wished me.”

But she wasn’t mistaken.
And suddenly… I couldn’t breathe.

I felt the ground shift beneath me. I was going to faint.
I told Sahi no, again and again. She apologized for telling me this way—and hung up.

I called Katie outside. Told her what happened.
And then, after a deep breath… I walked back to the table.

We continued the party. I stayed silent.
But my mind wasn’t there anymore.

A Letter I Never Got to Send

I cried the whole way home.

I don’t know why I couldn’t stop.
I kept reading our last texts over and over.
Would anything I said have made a difference?

I guess I’ll never know.

So here it is—the letter I never sent.

Dear you,

Hi. How are you?
Actually… I think I already know the answer. You don’t have to feel anything anymore.

We may not have been the closest. But still—I miss you.

I miss your innocent smile. Your chaotic energy. Your softness.

I hope you’re still dancing, somewhere. Laughing for real this time.

If there’s a next time, I hope it’s softer. I hope you’re surrounded by people who hold you better than this world ever did.

Until then…

I’ll carry you with me

-daisiesinmysoul