To You, My Sister. My Friend. My Forever Goodbye.

Isn’t it strange…
how we often realize someone’s absence
only when they’re truly gone?

You were in my life—
but I never really saw you, not the way I should have.
I didn’t hold you close,
not when I had the chance.

There was distance between us,
fueled by a kind of pride I now despise.
We let ego write our silences.
We let time pass like it meant nothing.

I gave you crumbs—
a “hello” every now and then,
thinking that would somehow be enough
to keep our bond alive.
I mistook your laughter for joy,
your jokes for strength,
and in that blindness, I failed you.

I didn’t see you.
Not really.
Not the storms behind your smile.

We were never the friend to you
that you tried to be for us.
And now… now we live with the ache of not having you anymore.

The moments we did have with you—
brief, scattered—
we cling to them now like lifelines,
replaying them, crying for what we never said.
What we never did.

I think sometimes…
maybe if I had just sat down and listened,
really listened,
maybe you wouldn’t have gone.
Maybe you would’ve stayed.
Maybe you’d have known you were loved,
even when I didn’t say it.

But it’s too late now, isn’t it?

You were carrying a storm inside you.
And one day, that storm took you with it.
And I was left behind—
scattered in the wreckage.

Now, I live in pieces.
I carry your memory.
I live inside the grief.
And I hope,
somewhere out there,
you’re feeling lighter.
Freer.
Better.

I hope you’ve learned how to smile again,
without pretending this time.
I try too, sometimes.
I try to laugh, to live,
to pretend I’m okay.

But then something small reminds me of you—
a street,
a song,
a line you once said—
and suddenly my chest tightens for days.
My breath shortens.
And I fall apart all over again.

You were braver than me.
You left.
You let go.
You disappeared into the darkness
with more courage than I’ve ever known.

And me?
I’m still here,
losing little battles with myself every day,
struggling to make sense of this world that took someone as beautiful as you
and left me behind.

Some days…
I feel like I finally understand the pain you felt.
The weight of it.
The choking loneliness.
There are moments I feel it wrap around my neck—
tight, sharp, unrelenting.

And in those moments,
you come to me.

You hold me.
You let me cry.
You remind me I’m not alone.

And I wonder…
maybe the universe knew I’d need a guardian.
Maybe it gave me you in another form.
Maybe… this is what life means now.

Living with the ache.
Remembering with love.
Crying without shame.
Missing you—endlessly.
Loving you—still.

Always.

If you’ve lost someone and these words echo your grief,
know that you are not alone.
This letter is mine, but the ache may be ours.

—daisiesinmysoul